Sunday, July 4, 2010


A few, wait, a few updates!

My love and I are finally honeymooning, and--on the good advice of a friend--we are doing it in the Caribbean country of Belize. Google it. (I mean, a "Great Blue Hole"? How many countries can offer such straightforward gynecological-slash-Smurf jokes? Yeah, I said it Smurfette, you whore.)

Okay, on to the observations. This is a foreign country. Hm, let me clarify--this is a foreign country the way certain neighborhoods in the Bronx are foreign. The place is populated by low income, dual Spanish-English speakers who are living in below-middle-class-American environs. The UK won this corner of Central America from the Spanish in all those sugar/coffee/slave arguments they had back in the day, and allowed it to incorporate (as such) about 46 years ago. Bully!

The food is incredible. I'm currently suffering from a sinus infection and water on the ear--meaning I'm operating at about 3/5 capacity when it comes to the whole 5 senses thing--but even without the taste and smell I would need to truly appreciate my environment I can tell that the dishes being laid in front of me are pretty damned exquisite. I mean, they have a 20 sq. ft. drywall shack that serves the best falafel I've ever had, and I'm coming from NYC. What do you do with that? No wonder the host is smiling.'s also hot. The you're-the-butter-in-the-frying-pan-of-the-gods type hot. What are the gods cooking with our hard-earned calories, you ask? Awesomeness.

Also too: I don't give a fuck--as a New Yorker I have a god-given right to hate tourists even if I currently am one. Figure out how to walk down a sidewalk without inconveniencing everyone around you and without needlessly barking to the herd of slow moving buffalo you call a family and we're cool. Those seem like two good general rules, no matter where you are. White people, I swur.

Okay, back to the wonderful, lovely, beautiful wife!


Update: Pet a shark, a stingray, saw a sea turtle, climbed the 2,100-year-old Mayan ruins at Lamanai, drank way too much one night, and swam a lot, a lot. Overall, I love my wife very much, which is what this whole thing was about. Yay!

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