Thursday, November 6, 2008

Holy Crap III: Yakuza

I don't really like gloating. So I'm only going to do a little of it. I have many friends back in Georgia and Florida who vote Republican as loyally as I vote Democrat. I get it. I've understood for a long time that a healthy portion of Party association is anchored in tribal identity. Hell, my friend and I used to argue about the ways we embodied--or didn't--our respective Party ideologies...back in 4th grade...based solely on the fact of our parents' differing affiliations.

This past 4th, my Party won. Big. (See? Only a little bit, just like I said.) I will now endeavor to explain why this happened, in terms so simplistic that I will unapologetically reference the sucking intellectual wound that is a Quentin Tarantino film.


I like the "Kill Bill" movies, in much the same way I like bacon: sometimes you just can't help yourself, even knowing what it's doing to your heart. There's a moment in the first one where Uma Thurman is decimating a small village's worth of underlings in various parts of an upscale restaurant in order to get to Lucy Liu. Suddenly, the lights are cut; the fight proceeds in the dark; as Uma's about to cut down her final opponent the lights snap back on and she realizes that, instead of a warrior deserving of her wrath, she's actually facing a young boy. After breaking his sword, she snatches the wayward child, bends him over her knee, and--using Hattori Hanzo steel--spanks the holy crap out of him while admonishing " what you get...for fucking around...with Yakuza! Go home to your mother!"

That's exactly what happened to the Republican Party two days ago. Just like that young boy, they followed the crazies in their Party into a very bad place. And they got a nasty ass-whooping for it. Here's hoping they finally stop...fucking around...with Yakuza.

Go home to your mother.

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